My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
