He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
