He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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