i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
