As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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