drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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