he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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