and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
They have beer where we have blood.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
