you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
