Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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