you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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