I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
