my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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