im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
