Pappa wants mamma naked
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
