Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
