dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
