Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I want is dick and wine.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
