I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
