I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
