We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
