; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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