Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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