if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
