Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
