Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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