Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
