i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
