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Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
