If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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