i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He shit in the fireplace
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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