So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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