We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
