You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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