Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
