I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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