why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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