I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
