My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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