i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
