When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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