He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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