I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
