i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
