At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My balls are so social today.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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