Betty ford says i'm here all night
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
