I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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