I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
