Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
