I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize