he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
