Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
