five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
