no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
