Me. At least after what I've been through.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
