I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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