I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
