im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
