Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
