I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
