I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
