Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
